


Come to Me

by dannyphantom



Category: Glee
Genre: Car Accident, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-03
Updated: 2013-10-03
Packaged: 2017-12-28 07:11:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/989214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dannyphantom/pseuds/dannyphantom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian never wanted to get serious, but after Sam suffers injuries in a car crash, he starts to realize that he never really had a choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come to Me

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on the tumb. Supposed to be vaguely inspired by Fantine's Death in Les Mis.

Sebastian and Sam were not serious. Sebastian didn’t do serious. He liked having a plaything with a gorgeous body and sunny blond hair, but it ended there. There were no strings attached. Sometimes he may have let the guy sleep over, but that was only when Sam seemed too tired to drive back to Lima. And, sure, sometimes Sebastian liked to let his gaze linger while Sam concentrated on a video game or poured over a textbook, desperately attempting to decipher it, but that meant nothing. Sam was attractive, Sebastian liked to look. And touch. The end.

So when the accident happened and things got serious without Sebastian’s control, he backed away from it all as quickly as he could. He practically ran in the opposite direction.

The first person to bring it up was Blaine. His round eyes glinted with unshed tears and for once, Blaine Anderson’s habit of wearing his emotions like a bright neon sign was not attractive.

“Have you been to see him yet?” His gel was only half-heartedly applied, curls coming loose near his hairline, and he stared down at his cup of coffee without drinking a sip.

“I’ve been busy,” came Sebastian’s curt reply. That had Blaine looking up, thick eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Sebastian, I think this is a little more important than whatever else is on your schedule.”

“Hardly,” Sebastian shook his head, wearing his best ‘passively annoyed’ face. “Blondie and I weren’t close. I’m sure he’s got other friends to sit at his side for him and cry out the confessions they always wanted to make, even though he can’t hear them.” Blaine looked at him incredulously for a few long seconds. Sebastian apathetically avoided his gaze, until his friend dropped the subject with a heavy sigh.

The topic wasn’t dredged up again until a week later. They sat in their usual spot in the Lima Bean, Blaine looking just as emotionally worn down as he had seven days ago. Sebastian tried to look as though he hadn’t noticed at all, focused on pouring packets of sugar into his coffee.

“Sweet tooth?” Blaine commented as Sebastian ripped open his eleventh Splenda and tipped it into the dark liquid. He’d always taken his coffee black, no cream and no sugar. Sam, however, wouldn’t touch it unless it was bordering on candy. More milk and sugar than coffee. It had always irritated Sebastian. He shoved his cup away from him in response to Blaine. “I know you haven’t gone to see him yet. You need to go.”

“I don’t need to do anything.”

“I know it’s hard,” Blaine said, his voice thick with emotion. Sebastian distracted himself with an empty Splenda packet, ripping it in half and ignoring the way he could feel Blaine’s eyes boring into him. “I know it’s easier to pretend, but you can’t do that.” He reached over to put his hand on top of Sebastian’s, stilling him, and Sebastian’s jaw clenched in response. “If he… if he dies and you’re not there… you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

Sebastian pulled his hand away and stood up, leaving without another word.

Blaine was relentless. It was exasperating and Sebastian had never felt so strongly the urge to smash somebody else’s face in. He liked using his bark more than his bite, but Anderson was teetering on an edge. If he didn’t want to see Sam, he didn’t want to see him. Blaine needed to leave it alone. It was Sebastian’s decision. Who was Blaine to say that he would regret anything? Still, nothing he said convinced the ex-Warbler, and eventually he even staged an intervention with his Nude Erections pals.

“Are you serious?” Sebastian leaned his head back, banging it on the wall behind him in utter frustration as he realized what was going on. Blaine, Asian Girl, White Bread, Latrice Royale, Blonde Stereotype, Hunk 1, and even half-black Hunk 2 were surrounding him. He hoped to a god he didn’t believe in that they weren’t about to share in Sam Evans nostalgia together, growing teary-eyed as they discussed how much they’d miss him if he passed. It was not something Sebastian was willing to handle.

But, of course, that is exactly what they fucking did. They took turns telling Sebastian what it was like to see Sam in that hospital bed and how it felt to say their goodbyes. It was like a goddamn therapy circle, but instead of soothing him, it only pissed Sebastian off. What did they want from him? To hear which position he liked fucking Sam best in? He didn’t have stories like theirs. He didn’t feel the feelings they did.

“This has all been very touching,” he said, unable to bite back the snark. He wasn’t heartless, he knew their emotion was genuine and he would’ve respected it if they had returned the favor, but instead they were meddling. In things they didn’t understand. “I don’t see how it has anything to do with me.”

“We all know you were together,” White Bread said, looking equal parts sad and skittish as though Sebastian might jump up and strike her at any moment. “Maybe not in the traditional way, but together means something.” Sebastian rolled his eyes, but the action was met with a sassy response from Latrice Royale.

“Denial is not just a river in Egypt, honey.”

“Who are you?” Sebastian retorted, squinting his eyes and leaning forward. “You look like the Jackson sibling that they actually hid in the basement.”

“Hey, that’s not cool,” said Hunk 1, coming to Latrice’s defense.

“I don’t know why we’re bothering.” Hunk 2 looked at Sebastian disdainfully, and he would’ve been offended if the guy wasn’t the first one to start saying what he liked to hear.

“Exactly.”

“Maybe I didn’t know Sam for very long,” Hunk 2 said, “but I sure as hell know he deserved way better than this asshole.” Sebastian’s face fell for just a second, but he replaced the expression quickly with stoicism.

“Exactly,” he repeated, standing up from his seat. He looked at Blaine deliberately. “So just stop.” And then he high-tailed it out of there.

Sebastian needed something. He needed a distraction, a means to get out of his head for a while because he didn’t feel like himself. He couldn’t care about this, he didn’t care about this, and he just needed to get back into the swing of things. He needed to remind himself that he was still Sebastian Smythe and Sam Evans had not changed that at all. He had not been important. He was just another guy.

As usual, it wasn’t hard to pick up a guy at Scandal’s. They were all desperate for it, particularly for a guy like Sebastian. He was young, fit, sexy… everything they wanted. Sebastian was usually pickier than that, but tonight had more purpose, so he chose the first handsome stranger to happen upon him. He was dragging the guy home only two beers down, having barely exchanged their first names.

The sex was hot. Anonymous, rough, and dirty. Everything Sebastian always craved, everything that had always satisfied him. But touching this guy didn’t feel like enough. His roaming hands were too stiff and his hair was too dark. His body didn’t feel right underneath Sebastian’s touch, no matter how hard he pressed his fingers into it. And as Sebastian pounded into him, he found himself disgusted by the sounds he made, far too loud and whiny and absolutely nothing like

“Sam,” he breathed, his eyes closing tightly.

“Jared,” the guy corrected. Sebastian kept his eyes shut, moving his hips automatically and wishing Jared would hurry up and finish already. When he did, with an “oh yeah baby” that had Sebastian’s gut twisting, he separated them as quickly as he could.

“You should go,” he murmured, pulling the condom off himself and tossing it into his waste basket.

“Did you…”

“Go,” Sebastian repeated harshly. Jared made an annoyed sound, saying something about ‘bitchy hookups’ as he dressed himself. Sebastian simply sat on the edge of the bed, keeping his eyes closed even after he heard the slam of his door.

He felt dirty. And it wasn’t in the good way. Every hint of uncomfortably damp breath he could still feel against his skin made him shudder, every phantom touch made his gut twist. He breathed slowly, trying to subdue the nausea, but he couldn’t and he found himself rushing into the bathroom that was next to his single room.

Stumbling down to his knees in front of the toilet, Sebastian hurled up not just the two beers he’d had, but the entire contents of his stomach. He retched, gagging slightly on his own vomit. He couldn’t stop his heaving just like he couldn’t stop the thoughts that raced through his head. Thoughts of nameless faces he didn’t care about and the one face he did, the face that was dying in a hospital bed at that very moment.

It wouldn’t go away. He just wanted it to stop. He wanted to rewind time in a desperate kind of way, to be like one of those stupid superheroes that Sam always went on about. He knew he asked for a lot, demanded really, but if he could just have that one thing. Just to go back. He wouldn’t ask for anything else ever again.

Puking and gagging soon turned into sobbing and shaking, and he let his grip fall from porcelain down to the floor. He curled up, the bathroom tiles feeling cold against his naked skin, and he cried. Hard. The kind of cry he hadn’t known since early childhood when walls were not yet built. He pushed his face into the unforgiving floor, but the tears wouldn’t stop, the hopeless wails that escaped his burning throat wouldn’t stop, and all he wanted was Sam.

He showed up at the hospital the next day.

Blaine was there because Sebastian had texted him. He debated, long and hard in his head, and he knew if he went there alone, he’d never push himself to do it. He’d maybe mill around the lobby a bit before saying ‘fuck it’ and boot scooting the hell out of there. But if Blaine was present, the miniature-sized bastard was sure to lock him under a trance with those puppy dog eyes so he couldn’t turn tail and run.

As he’d expected of himself, he spent a good thirty minutes pacing around the small cafe next to the hospital lobby. There were people constantly going in and out, some sitting at a few tables, nurses and doctors and regular old citizens, but Sebastian paid attention to none of them. He stirred the coffee he’d purchased, walking to the automatic door and back again for what seemed like the hundredth time. Except this time he ran into Blaine.

“Where have you been? I’ve been upstairs waiting for you,” he said, holding up his hands to stop Sebastian from continuing his anxious walk.

“Coffee,” he said, keeping his response short. He held up the cup to show Blaine that yes, he had been in the hospital and he’d been getting coffee and he wasn’t lying to get out of this. Unfortunately, aggravatingly, Blaine saw through the charade.

“You’re picky about your coffee,” he said, “and I know for a fact that theirs tastes like dirt.” Sighing, Sebastian tossed the cup into the nearest bin.

“’Shit’ is more apt, I think,” he quipped. Blaine offered him a small smile, but his face was still in that serious mode that Sebastian was learning to hate.

“Sebastian…” Blaine reached out, grabbing his hand, and Sebastian’s entire body tensed. “This is happening. Right now.” He was looking at him earnestly, heartfelt, and Sebastian knew Blaine had already made peace with it all, wanting nothing more than for Sebastian to do the same. “You can’t run from this.”

He followed Blaine towards Sam’s room on shaky legs. The closer they got, the more he felt the fear. It ran through his whole body, right down to his bones. He had never been this terrified. Of what? Of losing Sam? Of losing something he never deserved in the first place?

The thing was… when you got a taste of something you never should have had, it only made you miss it that much more when it left. He knew that well. And he had done his best to keep Sam at a distance. He’d been mean, he hadn’t cared, he’d kicked Sam out and pushed him away, but the frustrating thing was that the guy always came back. In an annoying, incessant way that made Sebastian hate him. He always came back.

“Deep breath,” Blaine said, and with a jolt, Sebastian realized they were at the door. He stepped in, forcing his muscles to move, and it was only when he was fully inside the room that he froze.

Sebastian had always liked the light that seemed to emanate from Sam. It wasn’t just the sunshiney hair or those happy green eyes. It was in the way he grinned, full and goofy, and the way he laughed at his own dumb jokes even when Sebastian didn’t. It was a feeling, a warmth in the way Sam looked at Sebastian. But the image he saw before him now was anything but light.

Sam seemed like a stranger in that hospital bed. His sunny hair was thin and washed out. A tube was shoved down his throat, making a heinous repetitive noise as it helped him breathe. His skin was pale where it wasn’t bruised a hideous purple or bandaged. He laid in that bed, weak and unmoving, and all Sebastian could picture was the guy he’d known, running next to him down the track at Dalton, trying to turn their workout into a race. How could this have been the same person?

He turned, headed straight for the door, but Blaine shut it, blocking it with his body.

“No,” he said sternly. “No, you are not leaving.”

“Blaine, I can’t do this,” Sebastian confessed, shaking his head and silently pleading for Blaine to move out of the way.

“Tough,” was the response he received, and he would’ve congratulated Blaine on his audacity if he wasn’t so messed up. “Because it’s happening.” Sebastian just stood there, staring hard at Blaine. “Talk to him,” his friend urged.

Sebastian turned slowly back to the unfamiliar figure in the hospital bed. He steeled himself as best as he could, walking closer to it but not sitting down in the chair that was placed right up by Sam’s side.

“I don’t know what to say,” he began. “Everyone keeps telling me to say something, but I keep drawing a blank. I’m not good at this, at the feelings thing, and I…” He trailed off for a second, feeling his throat thicken. He shook his head, bouncing slightly with anxiety. “It should be me.” He heard Blaine make a noise near the door, but he didn’t turn around. “Everyone knows it should be me there and not you. I’m the reckless one, I’m the one who was supposed to crash his car into some pole on the side of the road. Not you.”

He moved closer to Sam, standing next to the empty chair and staring down at him. He wasn’t crying, but he felt like he had swallowed needles and they were stabbing their way through his body. Everything hurt. This wasn’t what he’d ever wanted. “You can’t die,” he said gruffly, in a demanding voice he’d always used on Sam. Sam who always obeyed. Sam who always came back. “You can’t die because I will never forgive you for making me feel like this.” He reached out, grabbing Sam’s hand. It was warm and it felt like hope. “So just wake up. Wake the fuck up. Wake up!” He yelled, hitting the hospital bed with his free hand, and Blaine said his name but then stopped because Sam began coughing uncontrollably.

“What’s happening?” Blaine said, rushing closer just as Sebastian hit the button to call a nurse. Once one nurse saw what was happening, it seemed like a thousand other people followed. Blaine and Sebastian were pushed to the side as medical jargon was thrown around and they removed the tube from Sam’s mouth.

“Boys, can you wait outside?” the initial nurse asked, though Sebastian was sure it wasn’t a request, so he walked with Blaine out of the room. They waited there for what seemed like hours with no news, neither of them saying anything to each other. Sebastian was too stuck in his own head to talk and Blaine was simply sitting in a chair, staring at the pattern on the floor.

Finally, after a much-too-long wait, they were told they could see him. But there was a warning in the nurse’s eyes and when Blaine questioned it, she sighed softly.

“There’s something that happens with patients who are about to die,” she said, her tone delicate and careful. “They get a sudden burst of energy. They wake up, they talk. Some have even been known to get up and walk around. But…”

“But it doesn’t last,” Blaine finished for her. The realization of what she was saying fell over Sebastian like an anvil.

“I’m going to call his parents. You should go in and be with your friend.”

Blaine all but rushed to Sam’s side. Sebastian trailed behind slowly. Sam was actually awake. Still bruised, still pale, but his eyes were open and he was breathing by himself. It was like a damn miracle and Sebastian held his breath with some subconscious fear that he’d disturb it all and it would end like the nurse had warned.

Blaine talked first, telling Sam about how happy they’d all be and how everybody loved him. A bunch of Steel Magnolias dialogue, as far as Sebastian could tell. Sam didn’t talk much, only giving Blaine a few words in response, but he wore a sleepy smile on his face that hit Sebastian like a gust of wind.

When it was Sebastian’s turn, Blaine hesitated for a moment before politely walking out of the room. He knew it was for his own sake, but it only made him feel worse. Even more scared. Like maybe Sam was a ghost.

“Hey,” Sam said with that smile directed his way, though it sounded more like a breath than a word. Sebastian stepped closer, even daring to sink himself into the empty chair this time. The hand that was stuck with the IV twitched on the hospital bed, and Sebastian knew, though he wasn’t sure how, that it was Sam’s way of saying he wanted to hold hands. So he laced their fingers together.

He couldn’t find anything to say this time. Somehow it had been easier when he wasn’t sure if Sam was listening.

“I think…” Sam murmured with a hoarse voice, furrowing his eyebrows. “I think I goofed up.” Sebastian laughed because, once again, he knew that was what Sam wanted. He had never bothered to give Sam the things he wanted before, had always just acted on his own whims and desires without much regard for the other boy, but now…

“My Ken doll’s all broken.” It was Sebastian’s attempt at a joke, and Sam let out a breath that he figured was all the laugh he could give.

“Sorry,” Sam apologized and Sebastian shook his head at it, tightening his lips. He swallowed thickly, looking up and away from Sam, at anything else. It didn’t go unnoticed. “What’s wrong?”

“Just…” Why couldn’t he speak now when it was most important? He’d been able to yell earlier, but when Sam was actually awake, when he could finally listen to everything Sebastian had to tell him, there were no words.

“You love me,” he heard Sam say, and his head whipped back to look at him fearfully. Eyebrows furrowed, Sebastian searched Sam’s ashen face like maybe he’d imagined it. But that smile was turning into a grin, a true Sam Evans grin, and he realized that he hadn’t. “You totally love me.”

His hand tightened around Sam’s. He searched frantically for the words, but he was still coming up empty. Was he supposed to say it? Was now the time to say it? He felt lost in territory he had spent his life avoiding.

“But we can’t…” Sam was talking again, freeing Sebastian from the burden of figuring out how to. The blond looked so tired, like his eyelids weighed a thousand pounds each. “We can’t stay out.” Sebastian furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s getting too dark.” Sam coughed, turning his head towards the window. Sebastian’s eyes followed his, but he could see the sun beaming through the blinds. “Look… the stars are shining.”

“I can’t do this,” Sebastian muttered to himself. “I can’t.”

“Come on, Se… Sebastian.” Sam’s voice seemed weaker every time he spoke, his breath becoming more ragged. “We’ll sleep… together, okay?”

Sebastian nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, Sam,” he said. “It’s getting late, but you can stay here with me this time. Just this once.”

Sebastian stared for a long time at that smile. It rested on Sam’s lips like light. He knew if he looked away, all he’d have left of it was a burning picture when he closed his eyes. Because as Sam’s hand fell slack in his and those eyes closed to the tune of a long, drawn-out beep… Sebastian knew he wasn’t coming back this time.


End file.
